monday monday

Implemented phase one of melis and I's plan to get invited to what to us, will be the wedding of the century in terms of gossip currency. If phase one goes as planned, the small piece of my soul I'll have to sacrifice to carry out phase two will be worth it if it results in an invte in a few months (oh the things I do for you melis, THIS little stunt is the definition of true friendship, and, if it works, you'll so owe me). Is it wrong to want to fanegle your way into someone's wedding just for the pure spectical of it? hmm, silly morality. we'll still buy them a gift and all that....

Took stab number five million and twenty seven at the movie in my head after a stint of post modern thinking with a metric soundtrack in the park. I wish i could figure out how to get it out of my head and onto paper...it's all there, in these little pieces, these moments, gestures, frames, but the dialouge that needs to connect those moments, is well, tricky. sigh. i want to make a movie. i want that piece of myself back. this last month has been interesting for me, i've started to feel more like myself than i have in a while, closer to getting what i want, but, knowing that a lot of it is still out of reach...been fun and frustrating all at the same time. these last few months in general have been a delicate balance of reaching, grazing my fingertips across the surface of what i desire, but not being able to fully grasp it. some days it's right there, others, it's light years away....i am learning a lot about patience. for better or worse...although my therapist claims it's for the better, i'm taking her word on it for now.

new favorite songs: terra naomi "up here" and "say it's possible"