sleepless memories
after spending the last 6hrs yawning and wishing i was napping, i now can't sleep. oh well. i'm getting used to it.
laying in bed just now, looking around the room and turning my life over in my head, i remembered when i had trouble sleeping growing up, and i'd lay in my bed back at home, and stare up at the big picture of the city i had hanging over it, and daydream about the day i would live there, live here. i'd imagine myself as an "adult". at 14, 24 seemed incredibly old and grown up. i pictured what my apartment would look like (thanks to Friends, it was much bigger in my head, this was before i learned about salary and rent control), how i'd decorate it, who i'd spend time in it with, the people i'd meet and befriend, the people i'd love and fall in love with, (even during my fierce teenage adherance to my "relationships are fucking stupid and pointless and so not worth it" beliefs, i still let my imagination go when i was alone in the dark). i built the days of my future in my head, things that are common place or chores to me now, but then seemed so exciting. i pictured myself making coffee in the morning, drinking it reading a newspaper or a book, in a chair near a window. i'd picture my awards (i was still into theater at this point, didn't make the full swtich to film til around 16) lined up on a shelf, or in some sort of case thing like my aunt betty's china in my parents dinning room. i've probably walked the streets of the village more in my head than i have in reality, as that was my neighborhood of choice from early on.
sometimes 24 still seems incredibly old and grown up. it's strange to compare the image of my future self in my teenage head with my actual current self. a lot of things are what i expected them to be, a lot of things are not.
sometimes 24 feels very young and complicated and scary. you don't daydream about all the uncertainty that comes with this age, you just dream about the freedom, with out thinking about the price of responsibility it carries.
i still lay in bed and daydream about the future. i have a feeling that i will do the same at 30, and 42, 55....68....i hope i do.
i also hope, that one day i have flexible enough work schedule where my erratic sleeping habits don't leave me cursing out my alarm every morning and feeling like i'm walking around in a haze the whole first half of the day (and wishing i was napping for the second half). i'm not sure how much of this has to do with the job iteself or the fact that i really just need 2 more hrs of sleep before i attempt to function.
new fact i learned today: they make tylonol pm in liquid form....now i just have to find it....
laying in bed just now, looking around the room and turning my life over in my head, i remembered when i had trouble sleeping growing up, and i'd lay in my bed back at home, and stare up at the big picture of the city i had hanging over it, and daydream about the day i would live there, live here. i'd imagine myself as an "adult". at 14, 24 seemed incredibly old and grown up. i pictured what my apartment would look like (thanks to Friends, it was much bigger in my head, this was before i learned about salary and rent control), how i'd decorate it, who i'd spend time in it with, the people i'd meet and befriend, the people i'd love and fall in love with, (even during my fierce teenage adherance to my "relationships are fucking stupid and pointless and so not worth it" beliefs, i still let my imagination go when i was alone in the dark). i built the days of my future in my head, things that are common place or chores to me now, but then seemed so exciting. i pictured myself making coffee in the morning, drinking it reading a newspaper or a book, in a chair near a window. i'd picture my awards (i was still into theater at this point, didn't make the full swtich to film til around 16) lined up on a shelf, or in some sort of case thing like my aunt betty's china in my parents dinning room. i've probably walked the streets of the village more in my head than i have in reality, as that was my neighborhood of choice from early on.
sometimes 24 still seems incredibly old and grown up. it's strange to compare the image of my future self in my teenage head with my actual current self. a lot of things are what i expected them to be, a lot of things are not.
sometimes 24 feels very young and complicated and scary. you don't daydream about all the uncertainty that comes with this age, you just dream about the freedom, with out thinking about the price of responsibility it carries.
i still lay in bed and daydream about the future. i have a feeling that i will do the same at 30, and 42, 55....68....i hope i do.
i also hope, that one day i have flexible enough work schedule where my erratic sleeping habits don't leave me cursing out my alarm every morning and feeling like i'm walking around in a haze the whole first half of the day (and wishing i was napping for the second half). i'm not sure how much of this has to do with the job iteself or the fact that i really just need 2 more hrs of sleep before i attempt to function.
new fact i learned today: they make tylonol pm in liquid form....now i just have to find it....
posted by ath at 1:40 AM
1 Comments:
you didn't know they had liquid form... oh honey! That shit was made for girls like you. xox bri
Post a Comment
<< Home