Done jumping
As Annie (check out the "Think Big" link on the right) was so kind to point out, it's been a whole week since I posted something here. I've been a little distracted with the most insane breakup ever. Seriously, the friends I told about it yesterday couldn't believe the shit she pulled. Thank god we were all a little stoned for the storytelling session. It made at least some parts comical...
True love is having the willingness to jump off a bridge for someone if they need you to. But true love is also never asking the person you love to jump. I dove headfirst off countless bridges for her for the last year and a half and it was never good enough. There was always another, higher precipice for me to fall from waiting around the corner. Now I'm floating in the river below, stunned, broken and bruised. I'm just floating around down here, trying to clear my head from the fall I knew was coming but still didn't anticipate. I'm overwhelmed with disappointment; in her, in myself for letting it go so far, in life for being so unfair.
You don't realize the girl of your dreams is really an emotionally unstable crazy bitch until it's too late and you're already in love with her. By the end, the girl I fell in love with was so buried under all the layers of her 20-something years of anger and abandonment issues that I could barely detect her behind her eyes the last time I saw her, and that was the most painful thing of all. Her emotional baggage splits her down the middle. There's the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, inspiring, talented person I knew in the beginning, that I gave my all to, and then there's the scared 8yr old inside, who feels so backed into a corner, that all traces of rationality disapear. It's going to take an army of therapists to sort out all that baggage, and I hope for her sake, she starts soon, because despite all the painful drama she caused me, and all the anger I feel right now, I want to know that she'll be ok, find some sort of peace in herself and happiness. Maybe that optimism is what got me in trouble in the first place (I really have to learn that whole you can't fix people thing), but that optimism is what's going to pull me out of my river of painful disappointment. And next time, I'll be more careful around bridges.
Awesome quote I found/am borrowing from a myspace page:
"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together"
True love is having the willingness to jump off a bridge for someone if they need you to. But true love is also never asking the person you love to jump. I dove headfirst off countless bridges for her for the last year and a half and it was never good enough. There was always another, higher precipice for me to fall from waiting around the corner. Now I'm floating in the river below, stunned, broken and bruised. I'm just floating around down here, trying to clear my head from the fall I knew was coming but still didn't anticipate. I'm overwhelmed with disappointment; in her, in myself for letting it go so far, in life for being so unfair.
You don't realize the girl of your dreams is really an emotionally unstable crazy bitch until it's too late and you're already in love with her. By the end, the girl I fell in love with was so buried under all the layers of her 20-something years of anger and abandonment issues that I could barely detect her behind her eyes the last time I saw her, and that was the most painful thing of all. Her emotional baggage splits her down the middle. There's the amazing, beautiful, intelligent, inspiring, talented person I knew in the beginning, that I gave my all to, and then there's the scared 8yr old inside, who feels so backed into a corner, that all traces of rationality disapear. It's going to take an army of therapists to sort out all that baggage, and I hope for her sake, she starts soon, because despite all the painful drama she caused me, and all the anger I feel right now, I want to know that she'll be ok, find some sort of peace in herself and happiness. Maybe that optimism is what got me in trouble in the first place (I really have to learn that whole you can't fix people thing), but that optimism is what's going to pull me out of my river of painful disappointment. And next time, I'll be more careful around bridges.
Awesome quote I found/am borrowing from a myspace page:
"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together"
posted by ath at 3:14 PM
1 Comments:
my favorite line...
You don't realize the girl of your dreams is really an emotionally unstable crazy bitch until it's too late and you're already in love with her.
nice to see you've updated your blog. muchas gracias amiga.
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