"been thinkin' a lot today..."

Work-wise, today has been mercifully slow compared to the last three days of stressful chaos, for a job that isn't even what i'm meant to be doing. It's not that I hate it or anything, I do like it, well, parts of it. I like the people, the environment, the fact that I get to have days like today when nearly my entire floor is up in Harlem shooting and I mostly have the place to myself, and things are relatively quiet. But, this is not what I'm meant to be doing. And reaching my year anniversary is pushing the reality of the weight of time on my shoulders. And I'm tired of not feeling fulfilled.

See, the bad thing about days like today is that it gives me way too much time to think. (people, from the past and the present, keep popping up at weird times, in weird places/thoughts in my head, and I don't want them there...and I don't know what to do about it). I really just want to go home and work on my own projects right now. I always find solace in working on things I care about and even though I complain about the weddings, I feel good working on them. I know that it's a means to an end, at least I get to play around on my Avid to do them, and I'm getting paid. All good things. All parts of things I need right now.

Even though I'm a notorious over-analyzer, there are times when I don't think I like thinking. I'd rather be taking action. Taking action to change the things I have control over is sometimes a much better solution than over thinking all of the things I don't have control over. And taking action is the only way I'll actually get control over some of those things. Working on my own shit, is the only solution I have right now, the only step I can take towards some of the many changes I need.

Luckily I have a great partner in crime: click me part II

other thoughts:
"and what I wanted most, what I wanted most, what I wanted most was to get myself all figured out and what I figured out, what I figured out, what I figured out was I needed more time to figure you out"