New

New Years Eve. It's traditionally about a fresh start, a new beginning, a reason to make some sort of positive change in your life with well-ment, but rarely kept resolutions. I stopped making new years resolutions years ago. What's the point? I still haven't quit smoking, and the only reason I'm sticking to my budget these days is b/c I really don't have a choice. I find the things that I promise myself on just any other regular day seem to stick a whole lot better than the things I promise out of some sort of weird tradition. On those regular days, when I decide it's time to make a change, or stick to a plan, it means more. It means I've reached the point of thinking about it enough to make a decision for the sake of the decision itself, not b/c it's what I'm supposed to do. Maybe that's just me.

I do like the whole "fresh start" thing though. It's nice to think that you can wipe the slate clean and start from the beginning with the wisdom of hindsight to guide you this time around. So far I've spent my time off from work this week re-arranging my apartment. Cleaned out the closets, moved the furniture, all in an effort to 1) Keep myself busy and distracted, 2) Wipe away old memories and make room for new ones. It's odd how just the placement of furniture can hold the ghosts of the past. It's still the same couch, the same chair, the same bed, each with their own memories that don't disappear by simply moving them to the other side of the room. But somehow, by re-arranging things physically, you can do a little mental/emotional house cleaning too. Somehow, pushing the couch across the room also pushes the ghosts of the past, the ones that hurt too much to remember right now, a little farther away to the back of my memory, where they can't do so much damage. Hell, if I hadn't just painted a few months ago I'd probably be knee deep in a bucket of "eggshell" or some other food related color right now, all in the name of new beginnings. To try to make my physical surroundings different, to match the feeling of difference and change that I feel inside.

I've already made my decisions and resolutions and today is just another day that I have to try to stick by them. Tomorrow will be the same. And every day after can offer the same new beginning.


"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other path, no other way, no day but today."

Happy New Year.