Hold

On the brink of an exciting but scary change, a good friend of mine wrote this in her blog (check out It's All A Test, link on the right, for the whole post):

"Dreaming leads to hope and hope, so much of the time, leads to disappointment. I am tired of being disappointed.
Giving up would be easier too, because any time there actually seems to be a light at the end of my dream tunnel, I get scared.

Really I am just scared to change. And following that little light in the tunnel would definitely mean change. And I am scared of the dark too. It'’s a long, dark tunnel toward that light. I feel like a little kid armed with only a flashlight, a dream and some intense lygophobia (a fear of dark places). "

This was my comment in response:

"just run through the darkness, toward the light, as fast as you can and you'll get there. as long as you can still see the light, the darkness will never be completely dark. so just hold onto the light and keep going. i know i'm running as fast as i can right now too. and that's all we can do."

This hits home for me on a variety of levels. For one thing, Rhiannon and I have some of the same dreams. In some ways, we are running toward the same light, and since we're business partners and friends, sometimes we're running together and I can't speak for her, but I know for me, that makes it a little less scary. I've been telling her for the past few weeks that this year will be our year and on some level I really do believe it. Career wise I've never felt so close and so far from my goals as I do right now. I finally know how to get where I want to be this time next year, and how to go from there to the next step for the next year and so on, but it's going to require a lot of work and a lot of patience, something I've been told I lack when it comes to my career. Well, I'm working on that and the past 6 months have definitely been a lesson in patience above all.

Change can be hard and change can be scary, but change is the only constant. It can be overwhelming to let go of what's comfortable and leap into the unknown with nothing to catch you but the hope of something better on the other side. Hope requires faith. Faith in other people and faith in yourself. Faith that the people you lean on won't let you down, faith that you're ready for what you're jumping into, and faith that you can endure what ever comes your way. Making a change often requires making a decision and decisions can be complicated. Often there isn't a clear cut difference between good and bad, right and wrong, so often in deciding something, you have to commit to making the decision and to making it work. And it's the making it work part that can be the hardest, the scariest, the running blindly down a dark tunnel trying to get to the light. But having faith in yourself and in the dream at the end of the tunnel will get you there.

One of the most valuableuble things I remember from college is when a professor of mine told us that half of making it in this industry is just holding on longer than everyone else. While all the pressure and competition convinces others around you to give up, those with a true passion for the industry and for their craft just have to ride it out, hold on, and they'll be the ones left standing at the end, they'll make it to the end of the tunnel with out shifting course. I know that there is nothing else out there for me but this, no other career would make me happy, would fuel and inspire me, this is truly where my passion lies. So holding on is my only choice. I'm not the only one with this "hold on" theory. I just finished "A Million Little Pieces" (I don't care if he embellished a bit or not, it's an amazing story) and holding on is how he kicked over a decade of substance abuse. That's pretty damn impressive. If anyone is proof that believing in, and staying true to yourself pays off, it's him. This theory applies for any rough time you may be going through; heartache, the frustration of your goals seemingly out of reach, loss, withdrawal from people or things, as long as you can hold on, it'll be all good.

I see my light at the end of my tunnel, and it often feels so far away that I don't know how I'll ever get there, but like I told Rhi, I'm just running like hell, and using what I find in the darkness to help me along the way. As long as I keep my eyes and my mind focused on the light, I won't see the darkness, and I'll get there.