m.c.: sleep

despite the fact that i've been seriously fighting something off and feeling all icky and sick-like for the past few days, sleep and i are so not friends this week. i've been told that this has something to do with the controlling aspect of my personality, when i have a lot on my mind i can't let go of everything long enough to shut my head off and sleep. i need to ask my actual therapist about this (this is my dad's theory, and while he's a psychologist, he's not technically mine...or well, i guess he's actually been mine my whole life whether i wanted him to be or not....but he's not the objective person i pay to help me sort out all the craziness that happens in my head).

unlike last night, when i got up around the same time and spent 2hrs editing before finally laying down and passing out, i'm not feeling inspired to fire up my avid at the moment. i feel like going for a walk. but as it's 3am, and i'm still feeling a little sick, this is probably not a good idea.

in my non-sleep musings, i realized what i want for my 25th birthday...which yes, is like 7 months away....but in this case i'd need to plan ahead. i wonder if i can get my parents to actually give me the present i want and if i'll have the money to cover the rest.

tomorrow/today's horoscope:

"You may not be able to find comfort today, no matter how hard you try. The more you adapt to meet the demands of others, the more you want to break free from all requirements being placed upon you now. The most important thing is to keep breathing deeply. If you hold your breath, then you may also suppress your feelings. Keep your energy moving to best manage the current conflicts."

sounds promising....sigh....very appropriate for a tak day....i want to be done by 4...something tells me i'm setting myself for disappointment there....

i'm gonna get so drunk next friday to make up for this stupid project and the end of this job...fuck if i feel better i may even get drunk tomorrow night...