Lucky
"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?"
I am very very lucky. My life is filled with truly amazing people. And I had an amazing birthday weekend.
Having pre-party dinner with Matty and Laurs felt like old times. Got to catch up with people I don't see enough while downing way too strong jello shots (yeah..I need to work on that...). I love watching all the people from all the different areas of my life mix over pot, alcohol and connect four. I love when the people I love get to know and appreciate each other.
Awoke this morning to find new old words in my ear and on my lips. They fit, belong there better now than they did before. It's a little intense and amazing all at the same time. It feels surprisingly natural. And I think that for the first time, I finally will be able to just let go.
I don't know if it was the wine at dinner, spending time with my family, or the words written in my parents birthday card, but I'm feeling emotional right now. Emotional and peaceful at the same time. A new, interesting combination. I teared up making my birthday wish, in the pause I took before blowing out my candle. My mom, of course, is the one who noticed, smiled at me and said, "you look so serious". I said that it was an important wish. She said, "I know". And the weight in those words, knowing she read into the complexities of what was in my heart as I drew that deep breath, knowing that she knows everything that was in that wish, even though it's not something I could even describe in words myself, made a few of those tears fall, prompting my Gram to tear up along with me and tell me I'd better not start crying or she'd start too. And looking at her, I could see that she too had a certain understanding of what went into the release of that breath. Not the same way, not in those indefinable details that my mom instinctually knows, but in the sense that she remembers what it was to be my age, to be on the brink of so many new beginnings, filled with so many hopes and dreams, with the all the possibilities of life still spread out before me. She was remembering, and wishing for my wishes with me and for me.
I truly am surrounded by the most amazing people.
At one point, this was my birthday song:
"Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it"
But now, this is my birthday song, and the one I'm listening to on repeat right now:
"i think that i'm happy, i think that i'm blessed
i've got a lack of inhibition
i've got a loss of perspective
i've had a little bit to drink
and it's making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there's got to be more
than this boat i'm in
'cuz they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound
i'm just going to get my feet wet
until i drown"
It was an incredibly long december, but this year already is, and will continue to be, better than the last...
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?"
I am very very lucky. My life is filled with truly amazing people. And I had an amazing birthday weekend.
Having pre-party dinner with Matty and Laurs felt like old times. Got to catch up with people I don't see enough while downing way too strong jello shots (yeah..I need to work on that...). I love watching all the people from all the different areas of my life mix over pot, alcohol and connect four. I love when the people I love get to know and appreciate each other.
Awoke this morning to find new old words in my ear and on my lips. They fit, belong there better now than they did before. It's a little intense and amazing all at the same time. It feels surprisingly natural. And I think that for the first time, I finally will be able to just let go.
I don't know if it was the wine at dinner, spending time with my family, or the words written in my parents birthday card, but I'm feeling emotional right now. Emotional and peaceful at the same time. A new, interesting combination. I teared up making my birthday wish, in the pause I took before blowing out my candle. My mom, of course, is the one who noticed, smiled at me and said, "you look so serious". I said that it was an important wish. She said, "I know". And the weight in those words, knowing she read into the complexities of what was in my heart as I drew that deep breath, knowing that she knows everything that was in that wish, even though it's not something I could even describe in words myself, made a few of those tears fall, prompting my Gram to tear up along with me and tell me I'd better not start crying or she'd start too. And looking at her, I could see that she too had a certain understanding of what went into the release of that breath. Not the same way, not in those indefinable details that my mom instinctually knows, but in the sense that she remembers what it was to be my age, to be on the brink of so many new beginnings, filled with so many hopes and dreams, with the all the possibilities of life still spread out before me. She was remembering, and wishing for my wishes with me and for me.
I truly am surrounded by the most amazing people.
At one point, this was my birthday song:
"Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it"
But now, this is my birthday song, and the one I'm listening to on repeat right now:
"i think that i'm happy, i think that i'm blessed
i've got a lack of inhibition
i've got a loss of perspective
i've had a little bit to drink
and it's making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there's got to be more
than this boat i'm in
'cuz they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound
i'm just going to get my feet wet
until i drown"
It was an incredibly long december, but this year already is, and will continue to be, better than the last...
posted by ath at 8:23 PM
2 Comments:
i hope those three words always feel that powerful and that passionate leaving my lips. i meant it. i mean it. xox
great post... so sincere, so honest. i loved it. i love how your mom could tell by your eyes your wish was more than just blowing out the candle. i love how your gram had to tell you not to cry or else she would. i love ben folds song "still fighting it" and i love that you want to let go. just do it. these are our roaring twenties... not our boring twenties. to 24....
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