everything old is new again

Been an interesting week. All that past/present/future meshing, again. Such weird cycles. Spending time with people I used to spend time with but hadn’t for a while. It’s good. Working on Taks doc reminding me of what I used to feel like. Bringing back yet another lost part of myself. Listening to old CDs that I haven’t dug up in forever. Jimmy Eat World bringing back 2514 flashbacks. Hanging lights on the ceiling with Laurs our first night…that view…. Sharing headphones on the big purple bus, speed walking with Matty on train days to actually get from w4th to 721 on time. My random and short lived friendship with Brandon (god what happened to that kid?), playing Mario Kart with him at 4am when we were supposed to be writing some paper for some class we were both in, him all hopped up on Aderol, me on something like my 10th cup of coffee, second pack of cigarettes. That’s the year I started “really” smoking….even tho Sue had implemented a no-smoking rule in the apartment, it was one of Laurs and I’s favorite rules to break during the cold war that ensued that semester, compete with locking her out when we knew she’d be home from class soon so we had time to Lysol the place down. The permanent scratch on my watch from holding my cig out the windows that only opened a crack in case any of us were inclined to try to make a jump for it….while it was the library balcony they really needed to worry about. The world burning down, the hotel, the TV studio, those busted old cameras and flatbed editing, first time I sat in front of an Avid, back downtown with the barricades where a friends confession led me to confessions of my own…to Laurs and Melis only at first. Random meeting in front of Barnes and Noble at a random hr…a long walk, a first real step to honest self discovery, and more importantly, self acceptance….

With music as the soundtrack to it all. It was playing in the background any second I wasn’t in class. From the stereo, to my headphones, back home to one of our 4 computers. Usually mine or Laurens. Everyone’d go to sleep and laurs and I would stay up with our lyrics telling the stories of our lives as we told them to each other through clouds of smoke over 40’s and that shitty wine from the Jubes up John st. (glad I’m done with that phase). I love how music grows with you. It holds the shadows of memories of what it was while it solidifies it’s significance in the present. Things are oh so similar and yet so very different. It will never cease to amaze me, the shifting patterns that time builds.

Floating now in that strange parallel of time, of the simultaneous relevance of the past and the present and their co-existence through the lyrics I use to remember, re-tell, re-define.



“If you're listening, are you listening?

Tell me what do I need
When words lose their meaning

I was spinning free,
With a little sweet and simple numbing me.

Yeah, stumble till you crawl,
Sinking into sweet uncertainty

I'm still running away
Won't play your hide and seek game

What a dizzy dance
This sweetness will not be concerned with me.
No the sweetness will not be concerned with me.”


“It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).”



“I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.”

There’s more of course…there’s always more…lyrics and their links.