end of the week wisdom

it's been a long week....it's gonna be a long month i think. and so, while trolling youtube for l word clips to steal for my current project, i had the following thought:

"you know something in your life needs to change when you find yourself envying the lives of the l word ladies"

this i think, is excellent advice.

i don't know if it's my desire to be friends with alice or make out with dana/bette/carmen/occasionally helena, or just have a drink at the planet with tina and complain about what a stupid bitch jenny is, but this week i've found myself with an odd desire to be a part of this crazy little fictional world.

maybe bc they're this like whole group of lesbians that are all friends. i'd like one of those.

maybe bc they all seem to have enough money and time to drink endless cups of coffee and buy expensive dinners even when half of them wouldn't actually have that much money in real life (like the Friends crew...those ppl never worked, had fantasic apartments and spent most of their time drinking coffee).

maybe it was just bc i was watching the hysterical clip of the basketball showdown and they looked like they were having so much fun and i'm so so not having fun or forseeing any fun in the near future.

either way, sitting here just now, wishing i was talkin' shit to papi and passing alice the ball (no (rhi) that was not meant to be taken as innuendo, although she was very very cute last season) i realized that this is not a good sign. a subtle cry for help from somewhere in my brain, warning me that i need to find my own "lesbian basketball game" (in this case i was going for sort of a metaphor - i have no b-ball skills nor do i plan to aquire any - what i mean here is i need to find something to make me run around and laugh and enjoy life and get rid of whatever stupid mood/phase/whateverthefuck is going on lately and get back into the metaphorical "game" and get the fuck outta my head).

i have no idea how to do this. the things that weigh on my mind these days are things i have no control over. i can only control my action-reacation to them. perhaps getting a few more therapy sessions in is a good idea but i don't want to use the time and money.

so in the meantime i'm gonna replay my lesbian basketball clip to make me laugh, refill my coffee and go sit on the patio (the one and only cool thing about this work space) and smoke a cigarette to quiet my mind enough to have at least a somewhat productive day at work. and eventually, i'll figure it all out - this phase of my life, with constant change and transistion - eventually i'll figure out how to build my own foundation to keep my feet on the ground in deference to whatever hailstorm of job/family/relationship/life is happening around me.


and to make this even longer, some key quotes from my favorite clip of the day:



papi to bette: what are you doing rodeo drive?
bette (as she steals the ball): shopping bitch



bette: goddamnit we're losing
jenny: you're scaring me
bette (chucking ball at jenny's head): ball in!

papi: don't be mad brown barbie
bette: who the fuck you callin' brown barbie you fucking carmalita tropicana